{lost in translation}

Voy a comenzar esta entrada en español. Mi hermoso marido no dice una lamedura de español. Aún él sigue tratando de hablar a nuestros trabajadores de paisaje.

Now how much of that did you understand????

My guess is that's how much our landscape guys understood when George was trying to explain to them that he was not happy with what they were doing to our yard.

This is our yard. The two metal things are the chicken coops.

Uh oh. He only paces when he's realllllly upset. I'm staying right here in my room with a view.

No George, don't do it!! Don't sacrifice yourself for the sake of a green green yard. I promise I'll never complain about gravel and mud again!! Please Mr. Big Machine Driver stop and don't run him over!

Whew!! That was a close call! Believe it or not the drama continued for about an hour. Finally, they got back to work and very soon now we will have green pastures as far as the eye can see.

Stay tuned for pictures.

{lesson learned}

Innocuous adj. harmless

This was the word I used to ease George's tension as the kids begged him to play.

"Oh go ahead honey, it looks fairly innocuous."


"Hold on tight honey!!"

Truth be told, what I was really thinking was, holy cow he looks like he's going to hurl!

Oh boy that doesn't look good.

"Honey, I'm just gonna stay over here and take some pictures. It's for the blog you know."

Lesson(s) learned:

The antonymn of innocuous.

Men over 40 shouldn't let their kids spin them at will on playground equipment.

{spud power}

This should really say "STUD POWER"!!

Sorry Jake, but when it is within my power....I shall embarrass you!

{backside bunkers}

A while back I told you about excursion to a barn fire that I snuck into. Well, my sneakiness and love of all that roams the earth in bunker pants, paid off!!! You see, I made lovely copies of those barn fire photos and gave them to George to give to the fire chief. Next thing I know, I'm the official Richmond Fire Department photographer with an ALL ACCESS PASS!! I even have a cool little helmet and vest I get to wear.

So what are my duties as official Richmond Fire Department photographer? Taking gratifying shots of bunker pants.... I mean fires, yes fires and such. I WILL NOT FOCUS ON THE BUNKER PANTS. I WILL NOT FOCUS ON THE BUNKER PANTS. But seriously, LOOK..............................

Fire??? What fire??? I just see a HUNKA, HUNKA BURNING LOVE!! (not the yawny dude)

I'm ill. I need help. I'm going to have to quit as official RFD photog. I'll never get a decent picture of anything except.......

So, when the chief had George ask me if I wanted to take pictures of their upcoming MABAS mock drill with over 20 fire departments in attendance, what do you think I said??? Yer darn right I said YES. I even convinced George that I absolutely needed a zoom lens with way more zoom than lens!!!

In all honesty, it's very cool and it's even cooler to see the pictures posted on their website. You can see them here: http://www.richmondfire.com/press.htm Just scroll down a bit to the MABAS 5 Training Drill. I exhibited some self control and took pictures of the other boys in bunkers too.

So as I was relaying this story to my friends that evening at a BBQ and becoming slightly flustered as I described the many, many bunker pants that were everywhere I turned, my dear, dear friend Laura titled my blog entry for me! So BACKSIDE BUNKERS was born. Now I must go before I short my computer out due to the amount of drool that is escaping my mouth. But just one more.......

ahhhhhh.

{field of dreams...gone bad}

9:57 am last Tuesday

Jake: Mom, can we build the Field of Dreams in the backyard now?

Me: Well, only if you come up with a more original name.

Jake: What do you mean? That is an original name!!

Me (to myself): Of course it is, why would an 11 yr. old have any idea that there was a movie by that name....oh about 19 years ago!! Geez, did I really see that in a movie theater? Am I really that old? When did this happen?

Jake: Mom, are you OK?

Me: Of course I'm OK, why wouldn't I be?

Jake: I dunno, you looked weird. (Don't you love the bluntness?)

Me: Thanks Jake.

Cue phone ringing.

George: Hi honey, I forgot to tell you I told the boys they could build a baseball field in the back. Just tell them to be careful with the tractor.

Me: (Still hung up on the Field of Dreams/age/old thing). George, did you tell the kids about the Field of Dreams movie?

George: Why?

Me (to myself): Why can't he ever just answer the question!

Me to him: Just wondering.

George: Of course I did! I always wanted a Field of Dreams in the backyard.

Me (much happier now): Okeedokee! I'll keep an eye on the tractor excursion.

So off we all went: Jake, Jason (Jake's friend who has deemed himself son #3) and Gavin to get the tractor. Me to get dressed.

"But boys, PLEASE BE CAREFUL. Gavin, you're the oldest so you are the driver." Still not sure about the safety of it all, I ran upstairs to throw on some outside clothes. As I finished, I heard the tractor going and took this picture from my balcony.

Looks fairly harmless, doesn't it? Well, let me tell you something right now, I think some boys are devoid of a certain common sense gene. Why you may ask? Well, literally seconds after this picture was snapped, the tractor stopped. I assumed they had reached their destination. Still not trusting that they could complete their field without my knowledgeable input, I made the trek out to the back of the 5 acres. What did I see when I got there? The boys standing around trying to figure out how to get the tractor "unstuck". Yes, the common sense boys had driven it right into a muddy puddle. I stood there for a minute and started to chat with my IVs (Internal Voices).

IV #1: Well, you should yell. Seriously, what were they thinking?

IV#2: Well, you should yell. Seriously, what were they thinking?

IV#3: Well, you should yell. Seriously, what were they thinking?

IV#4: You have your camera, take some pictures then help them get unstuck and make it a "moment".

So for the next hour, we all worked together to get it unstuck! This was about 50 minutes into the process. We really were getting ready to give up!

Then out of nowhere, it worked and we were "unstuck". I had them pose for their victory picture. "Moment" captured, no harm done except to our clothes and shoes.

Here's what they tried to drive it through.

{it's 10 o'clock}

do you know where your kids are???

It would seem that there is a malfunction in the internal clock in my children. Why is it that at this very moment (11:06 p.m.) as I'm trying to focus on writing a funny entry, Courtney has entered my room for the third time just to "chat". Seriously, I'm here ALLLLLL day long her!! Oh and George is on the other side of me talking about "bonus baseball" ..... huh? All I want to do is to finish one blog entry, just one. So OK, there is a moment of silence and I think I might actually get through this.

As I was saying malfunction in interal clocks....

Courtney & Mikayla decided to take a swim in my bathtub at 10p.m.

Jake & Gavin got the "serious munchies" at 10 p.m.

AHHHHH!! Gavin please unplug that toaster. Like the SuperHero I am, got there just in the nick o' time! No, not really, he had already unplugged it.

And of course, the biggest child of them all came home from a meeting ready to finish installing the toilet in the guest bathroom at, you guessed it, 10 p.m.

Summer.... you gotta love it!

Addendum: While I was typing this in, my ADD took over and I decided to at least attempt to put the dogs to bed. Perhaps then everyone else would get the HINT!! Apparently the only hint taker in the house is the Blue Blood- Sir Max himself. Sorry Max, that's my spot!

{hooky day}

Every year my children get the opportunity to play "hooky" from school. They are not perfect attendance overachievers like I was. I lived for that piece of paper that said I had attended every last stinkin' day of school. But my children? Nope, they have no desire to win the McDonald's gift certificate or be acknowledged in that way. It all started when Jake (of course it was him) was really stressed out in 3rd grade. He was in a 3rd grade gifted class that skipped the 3rd grade material and moved right into 4th grade learning. I thought this was great. He, however, needed a day off. So I gave in. WARNING, WARNING....NEVER EVER GIVE IN!!! Now here we are two years later taking family hooky days. It's become a tradition I know will be passed down for generations and it will at some point be all my fault. But until then, let's enjoy some pictures!

My ami fabuleux, Lori, mentioned she had free passes for Key Lime Cove, the new water park in Gurnee. So we took our very white bodies there and had a great, great time.

I don't know how he's still standing. You can't see her, but Mikayla is hanging on his right arm. I got out of the pool just long enough to take some pictures and lose the game!

I thought this was the funniest picture! Look at the concentration in her eyes. She missed the shot! I think the life guard was wondering why I wasn't in a tanning bed!!

Great fun!

{could it be}

Yes it is!!! A real live post! Fasten your seatbelts, this is an all about boys post. So what have the Taylors/DeCarlos been doing? Well, I've been working on trying to stay sane! I know, I know we all experience that feeling. YOU DO experience that feeling don't YOU????

OK, nevermind, don't tell me.

Let's instead focus on boys.

Lookie here at the handsome firefighter. He just got promoted to lieutenant. I love him in uniform, but me thinks I like the bunker pants better!

While I was in the house searching for my sanity (again), I noticed the boys were missing. Found them on the porch with weapons! Yes, that is a BB gun propped on my lovely southern style porch and yes, they are using pocket knifes to whittle their twigs into sharp spears. I stopped looking for my sanity long enough to ask them what they planned on doing with all their weapons. Jake's response..."world domination mom whaduthink?" Seeing that I don't plan on becoming an NRA member anytime soon, I asked them to put the weapons away then resumed my search for my sanity. About 30 minutes went by and again the house got a little too quiet. Now where are they?

Are you kidding? A fire? Trust me when I say they do own video games. Why do they feel the need to torture me so? They did make me a s'more to schmooze me a little. Who can yell at a boy that brings you gooey chocolatey niceness? I extended their "electronic" time hoping to avoid anymore criminal activity.

Here are the charming little criminals in disguise. They look fairly innocent don't they?

{karma}

I love this child.

His picture frequents this blog more often not because I love him more, but because of the four children, he is simply quirkier. This is my new blog word...my husband used this word to describe me. I think it fits, OK, I know it fits and I think I'm rubbing off on my family. Please refer to the John Deere birthday hats in the previous post. BUT FOR NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS PICTURE.

Plain bad luck is also a trait of mine that has been passed on to Jake. You see earlier in the day I was in the school office on "official" PTO business (do you think maybe I need a job?). Anyway, there I was conversing with one of the secretaries when who should appear in the office with the P.E. teacher??? BINGO. He was in some sort of trouble and was spending a portion of his recess writing a letter of apology. I gave him my best mad mom glare and promptly turned my back to him for fear he would see me LAUGHING! Seriously now, how bad can his luck be? The one day he gets into trouble his mom just happens to be in the office. I'm sorry Jake, you probably won't ever win any major contests either.

The P.E. teacher explained that during their skating party, some boys had formed a human slingshot and Jake had been "shot" into a girl and knocked her down. So why was my child the only one in the office? Yep, plain ole bad luck! Of course, I did not let him see me enjoying this moment. Every now & again I would turn and make glaring eye contact with him. By the end of the 7 minute apology letter, he was near tears. I know, I know I'm a cruel mommy. He started to walk away without so much as a "sorry mom" when he made that fatal mistake of turning around and making eye contact with me one more time. That did him in! I walked into the hallway to reassure him we would discuss this at home and there was no need for chin quivering at the moment, he could save that for later. Again, I know I'm cruel, very, very, very cruel.

He went his way and I went home after another good laugh with the secretaries. They too realized that a bad luck cloud lurked in every corner near my child. I got home and relayed the story to George who was a bit indignant that the child had gotten into any type of trouble at all for what appeared to be an accident. Can you accidentally form a human slingshot? Hmmmm....

After having another hearty laugh about the child's bad luck, my cell phone started ringing in the all too familiar "school ring". Oh no, not more trouble. Well, no it wasn't more trouble, it was the nurse telling me Jake had accidentally crashed into a pole. Crashed into a pole? Are you kidding? Crashed into a pole minutes after I had placed the fear of me into him? Why, why? Now I felt horrible! Leave it to him to ruin my fun. Apparently, while playing some ridiculous turtle football game on the playground, several kids had collided sending Jake flying face first into a pole.

Hours later, this is what he looked like. So no, no, he didn't get into trouble when he got home for the rollerskating incident. Karma got him instead.

{you be the judge}

This is my idea of FUN!

Birthday tractor fun!

How creative can you get with a party hat fun!

Can you blow ALL the candles out with one breath (and Mikayla's help) fun!

Open your presents fun!

Again simple, maybe slightly quirky, but still FUN!! Do you think I'm rubbing off on them?

{the hunka turns 40}

This will be a simple entry because like with George, a few words go a long way! He’s 40 today and I love him more than when I met him 8 years ago. The time he spends with us is truly the best of him; he plays, he cooks, he helps with homework, he does laundry….he fights fires. Woohoo I love that last one! But to say that this man is an integral part of who I am is not saying enough. We combined our lives with the highest of hopes for a solid family that would be “built to last” and what we have now is diamond tough. I would not be the person I am today without him. I loved you when you were 32 and I love you more now that you are 40. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

.

And now for the traditional birthday poem (he gets one just about every year).

Turning 40 isn’t so bad.
Look at it this way, you’re younger than my dad!

So what if you are no longer a young lad,
You have Richard Gere gray and that’s really rad!

Celebrate today like it’s a new fad,
Just please don’t wear those new shorts of plaid.

Be happy, be cheerful, be really glad,
because today you get to eat cake like mad!

(Tomorrow you’re going on a diet for Pete’s sake, you’re 40 now you have to take care of yourself!!)

{hottest teacher no more}

Many, many years ago, I won something special. I never really shared this information because I am a private kinda person and I certainly wouldn’t want to brag about my awesome breathtaking luck. But, seeing that I am getting older (or so I’m told) and I’m trying to become a more open person, albeit through a blog, I’ve decided the time has come to share my prize or at least the story of my prize.

So here it is-- the story I must share…..in 1997, while I was happily teaching at Westmont H.S., I was voted the hottest teacher in the school by the graduating class!!!! This honor was bestowed upon me at an all school assembly. Yes siree bob that’s right, teachers, counselors, kids and the principal (who now happens to be a superintendent in Antioch) were all witness to the fact that it is possible for a person to go from the color of pasty olive to pink to red to maroon and still walk across the stage to get her computer generated certificate!!!!

But my embarrassment is not why I choose to share this story now. The real reason is this…. while talking to my friend Shellie this morning, she happened to mention that her high school son thought I looked “old” in my profile picture on this blog. Don’t bother looking----it’s gone! Trying to cushion the blow, she quickly added, “He said you don’t look old in real life just in the picture.”

Hmmmm….really? What in the world did that picture magnify that can’t be seen in real life? There goes my modeling career! Unless of course I want to model for AARP! So what’s an aging woman to do?

Botox??? It is quickly becoming a consideration, but I’m already addicted to Diet Coke. So that option is out for now….although I may feel differently as the aging process continues!

Do I crawl into a hole, never post a picture of myself on the blog again and refuse to be seen in public, at least by high school age kids?

No, no those options just aren’t me. I know! I’ll tell the world about my prestigious award AND share my 1997 teacher ID picture that won me that honor as confirmation that I once was cool! Now don’t be jealous, it was many, many, many years ago and apparently the high school generation of this year would not bestow that same honor upon me now! Ahhh, I can at least revel in the memories!! This one’s for you Rusty!

{an unlikely hero}

…..but first a history lesson. In the year 2001, George & Gina were married thereby merging their powerful sovereignties. This merger resulted in many people living in an itty-bitty kingdom. “Why must we suffer so?” the queen would often inquire. “Aaahh, but to suffer makes the inner soul grow stronger” the king would reply. He was consequently demoted to jester as his comment resulted in my hearty laughter. See even my fairy tale history lessons are a tad twisted!!

What was really going on was this. We got married and moved into his teeny-weeny 2 bedroom 1 bathroom ranch house.

Was there a basement to which we could banish the children? NO.

Was the one bathroom spacious enough to house 6 people attempting to get ready for church? I DON’T THINK SO.

Was there enough privacy for a hard-working English teacher to put her make-up on and make it to her first period class? I THINK NOT.

Quite often, my make-up session would be interrupted by two boys playing Light Saber with their pee streams. Trust me, this is a true story.

I did manage to handle all of the shortcomings of the teeny-weeny house because, well frankly, I was madly in love! However, there was one bathroom shortcoming which I found completely intolerable. And that is why this is my new hero.

We literally had to take four minute showers in order not to run out of hot water. It was enough to bring this hot shower lovin’ woman’s tolerance to a shrieking halt. The following are some of the comments that really did escape my mouth during those harsh years of the itty bitty water heater.

“Ummm, what do you mean we’re out of hot water? You just got in!!
I’m going first from now on AND YOU’RE GETTING YOUR BUTT TO HOME DEPOT AND GETTING A BIGGER WATER HEATER!!!!”

“I don’t care if you have soap in your eyes, turn the water off!”

“I’m flipping the 3 minute hourglass timer RIGHT NOW!”

OH and this is me at my best:

“If we run out of hot water before I get in, you’re all taking showers in the back yard with the hose tomorrow!”

Whew, I’m startin’ to get the sweats from these flashbacks! Let us concentrate on my much happier current life.

Today:
Four mini hot water hogs took four sweltering showers AND YES, amazingly, I still had enough hot water left for my luxurious, uninterrupted (not really, but I can hope) 15 minute steamy shower!

I love my hero!

{fleeting moments}

Today this kid asked for an IM account.

Today I said no.

Today he questioned me.

Today I answered like this:
I know what goes on at this stage of the game. I like your friends, but I love you. I would hate for you to get into an inappropriate conversation and give in to peer pressure just to fit in. You’re a funny, witty kid & there is so much to experience out there. Let’s leave IM out for now.

Today he responded:

O.K.

Mom, I love you. You’re so smart. You help me so much.

Today I cried with gratitude.

{meet the family-lone star edition}

Most often you will read about my mom & sisters as they are more local and much easier to make fun of! However, there is a whole other side that I don’t see as often, but are just as much fun to write about….they are the Texas relatives!

Did you know????

*Texas is the only state to have the flags of 6 different nations fly over it. They are: Spain, France, Mexico, Republic of Texas, Confederate States, and the United States?

* More wool comes from the state of Texas than any other state in the United States?

*You can walk my non-Spanish speaking husband, George, across the border from Brownsville, Texas into Mexico and then pretend to not know him and walk away?? But I digress.

*I have a dad George, a brother George, an uncle George and a cousin George? With the exception of my brother, they all live in good ole Texas! Ridem' cowboy!!

There is probably some deep psychological theory attached to why I married a George as well, but we won't delve into that today!!!

So for today, we shall spotlight George......my dad, George that is & his very cool Columbian wife, Geovany.

He is a retired postal worker, who managed not to go postal but instead moved to Brownsville, Texas where his biggest decision of the day is do I water my grass while I smoke my {very unhealthy} cigar or do I golf?

OR

Lose the cigar Dad!! Pretend you're a firefighter & hold that hose with two hands!!!

Now my dad does manage to keep himself busy doing other things............. hmmm...what would those retired things be? Fishing, fishing and more fishing!! He is actually a Catholic deacon too who can write one mean sermon; which may I add I heard plenty of growing up! Oh wait, those were lectures...is there a difference??

He did finally settle down & married the best Columbian cook around. George (my George) craves her gourmet Columbian rice. She was going to teach me how to make it until I found out it involved a pressure cooker. Now, I'll cook "under pressure" but I don't think it's a good idea to combine cooking & real pressure. It scares me. And this leaves my George dreaming of the good ole days when Geovany lived here and made rice just for him. She really made the rice for holiday gatherings but my George convinced himself she made it just for him.

Here she is holding my newest sibling which brings my brain to another pychological quandary.

Why is it now that they are empty nesters they feel the need to adopt new siblings and pamper them and make them exquisite doggie meals? Seriously, this sibling is undoubtedly more pampered than I ever was!!

Please note, I'm not calling the new sibling by its name as I am not quite ready for that yet!!!

So there you have it ~ my dad, Geovany (the most awesome cook) and the sibling

direct from the

Lone Star state of Texas!!

{repentance}

Well that didn’t take long did it? I must now repent for my sin of gloating.

What I left out of {gloaters} was the reason George backed into his brother’s truck. He was rushing to leave on a fire call! There I’ve said it; the weight has been lifted! Whenever George is in Richmond and not actually at the fire department, he is on “call” which results in him having to rush off anytime the pager says so! I’ve secretly thought about turning it off sometimes (not such a secret now), but he also receives text messages to his phone about 5 seconds after the pager goes off so it would be pointless.

So, not two days after he gave my van a sore hiney, he got a “quad” call. Essentially this means there is a fire of some sort and they need the assistance of the four local fire departments (Richmond, Spring Grove, Hebron and Wonder Lake). As he rushed out the door, he tossed me the radio, so I could listen as I sit and worry…what a thoughtful guy!! Apparently, some careless trash burning led to a fully engulfed barn fire less than a mile from our house. This is where my IV’s, many of which you have already become acquainted with, took over. As a result I ended up at the fire taking pictures. I was too chicken to get really close so I only got smoke-no flames. I wasn’t afraid of the actual fire, I was afraid that I would embarrass George. “Hey George, isn’t that your wife interfering with the firemen trying to save this barn?” Nope, I was definitely keeping my distance. So here is an example of what these guys do and they are without a doubt a special breed of brave fellers!!

This was what I saw after I evaded the police officer blocking the street. By the way, that is smoke.

Route 31 was lined with "rigs" from seven FD's! Ooooh, all those cute firefighters!!

Several hours later, this is what was left of the barn!

As part of my repentance, I must also say how proud I am of my hubby for being one of "those guys". I love you very much..............even though you're going to turn 40 really, really soon!!

Sorry, I couldn't resist! I can only be so good! Geez!!

{gloaters}

Gloating is a terrible thing!!! It really can demonstrate the uglier side of a person. I am definitely ANTI-GLOATING. That being said, please be advised this entire entry will be dedicated to exactly that…..gloating…..that horrible, ugly trait that we discourage our children from exhibiting when they win a game for example.

Mikayla is usually the queen of gloating in our household. She does not hesitate to do an “I won” dance or give a loud hoot & holler when she beats us in what was supposed to be a friendly game of UNO. See exhibits A & B below.

It is not uncommon for her victory dance to be followed by my lecture explaining the finer points of winning gracefully. It goes something like this, “Mikayla, when you win a game, it’s OK to feel good abo “WOO, WOO, I WON…..I’M THE UNO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

(That is her interrupting my skilled parenting lecture).

Here I think I’ll try again. “Mikayla, really I want to explain… “NOT NOW MOM, I’M DOING MY UNO CHAMPION DANCE!!”

So…. while I strongly discourage my children from gloating, there arise certain opportunities in life that cannot be ignored and call for exactly that which I so strongly discourage…GLOATING.

Right about now, you may be thinking.....

What is she babbling on & on about?

Why this sermon on the evils of gloating?

GET TO THE POINT!! Ok, ok if you insist!!

So here it is. I will now gloat, revel, take pride, triumph in the fact that (drum roll please)....

I DID NOT DO THIS!!!!

OR THIS

OR EVEN THIS!

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. (say it like a true grammar school cheerleader while doing Milayla's victory dance!)

Her comes MORE GLOATING…….

IT WASN’T ME!!!!!!

• I ONLY BACK UP (and slowly at that) INTO MAILBOXES & SMALLER CARS.

• I DON’T DO MAJOR ­DAMAGE!!!!!
  

• I ONLY GET HARMLESS LITTLE SPEEDING TICKETS THAT REQUIRE ME TO GIVE UP 4 HOURS OF MY LIFE AT TRAFFIC SCHOOL.
  

But hey, compared to this what’s a little ticket? (let’s look at it again shall we?)

AHHH, the joy of gloating!! Does it always feel this good? No wonder Mikayla ignores my pleas to be graceful.

Now, many of you may be wondering,

“Well, if Gina, the best driver that ever lived in God’s Country, didn’t do this, who in tarnation did????”

Please refer to exhibit C for the answer.

Yes, it’s true. This hunka, hunka burning love backed my van up into his brother’s hunka, hunka trucking truck!! AND HIS BROTHER WASN’T EVEN PARKED DIRECTLY BEHIND HIM!!! Excuse me, while I have another laughing fit! I do apologize for being so gloaty, but I don’t often get the chance. I am hahahahaha (sorry!) happy to report no damage was incurred to my brother-in-law’s truck!

So for today…. I AM THE BETTER DRIVER. PERIOD!! Gloating over. Bye.